Archive for December, 2011

December 1, 2011

The Misadventures of Spots and Stripes, Part One

This chronicle is inspired by the delightful blog “Reggie Darling”, which can be found in my blogroll.  Up until now, I have been restraining myself from putting too much in the blog about my little boys, my darling cats Otis and Jack.  This is because while I am unreasonably obssessed with them, one doesn’t want to presume that everyone else will be similarly seduced by their charms.  As anyone who has found themselves unknowingly ensnared by a shabbily dressed, wiry-haired woman (who one will likely next see on “Hoarders” and who prattles on ceaselessly about her pride of obese, foul-tempered cats as if they are the most precious things on Earth) can tell you, it is a slippery slope.  One minute you have a healthy love of animals, the next you’ve trapped  some poor soul in a Petsmart talking about your brood of 80 as he/she desperately tries to escape while wondering why it smells of cat urine.  It needn’t even be that extreme.  It is much easier to one day find oneself has become merely a conventional, run-of-the-mill bore, blissfully unaware that, well, no one cares anymore.  Your [pets, kids, cars, team] are lovely.  Now, enough already about them!  I intend this blog to be a creative outlet for myself but also endeavor that it may be, dare I say it, interesting to others.  That being said…whatever, they’re adorable, and you will hear me talk about them and you will enjoy it!

As I was saying, “Reggie Darling” follows the lives of an eloquent and energetic Manhattanite, his partner, and their awfully spherical Pug.  And Reggie, at his readers’ requests no less, devotes many a post to his interpid pup.  So, I decided to hell with it, I shall shamelessly do as I please.  Reggie has the advantage of being able to take his pooch on his various journies while my feline adventurers are homebound, but we will endure.  For the first edition, I suppose we will begin with the introduction to our crafty duo.  Stripes is our lanky 2-year old Otis who is mostly composed of stripes, and Spots is our 10-month old new addition Little Jack who is mostly spots

“The Rules (for Being the Awesomest Cats in the World)” or, as I like to call it, Scientific Proof of the Theory of Evolution: Why the most infuriatingly irritating creatures on the planet are also always the most adorable:

1.)   Sharing is for losers.

2.)   Everything even remotely enclosed is a bed…everything.

3.)   Be as annoying as possible with as little effort as possible.

For though I am small, I will stretch out as much as possible in the place where you like to sit…

4.)   Go freaking nuts!  Preferably after a large meal.  Sometimes you will throw up; sometimes it will be in the bed.

5.)   When humans inadvertently sit in your spot, they must be punished.

This is actually our dear Miss Boo who is no longer with us, but she was a strong proponent of the rules

6.)  Everything that is not a bed is a fort

7.)   Sunbathing is good for the complexion

And a peek around the curtain…

8.)   Never miss an opportunity to destroy something

9.)   Wallowing at my mistress’ feet in a show of feigned regret and playful precociousness will get me instantly forgiven for almost any crime.  Here, you can see Otis is so positively overcome with remorse and incorrigibility that he has collapsed spine first onto a plastic track!


10.)   Love thyself

Coming soon: A day in the life of an Awesome Cat; If our parents think we’re spoiled brats, they have no one to blame but themselves!

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